• Gratitude

    Guilt and Remission

    One day in and I want to give up. Trying to find the time to write a to do list is hard enough, carving out time to make this happen for 30 days is excruciatingly difficult. But it needs to happen. I can feel my jaw tighten at the end of the day because I am empty, empty, empty after giving it all away. I used to enjoy doing this. It used to give something back to me. Blogging. Letting the feelings flow from my fingertips to the keyboard and leaving it there. So, here I am, trying again. These posts are going to ramble, and be raw and real…

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  • My Ulcerative Colitis Journey

    Hope and Guilt

    Originally Published June 22, 2014: Guilt. A bad feeling caused by knowing you did or thinking that you have done something wrong, according to Webster. With this disease, I’ve been struggling with feelings of guilt. Guilt about taking medications, being in pain, being unable to attend events, eating, sleeping, and many other things. Mostly though, I feel my guiltiest when I feel like I’m being lazy, or at the thought of being viewed as lazy.  I often find myself pushing to get through an entire to do list of errands and tasks. And for what? To prove that I have what it takes to run errands and feel accomplished? To…

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  • My Ulcerative Colitis Journey

    Hope in the Beatles

    Originally Published June 5, 2014 Been doing a lot of listening to the Beatles and anything on the Beatles Pandora station lately. Here Comes the Sun always brings me to tears. Good tears. Something about the smiles returning to the faces, it seems like years since they’ve been here. I can feel that. And it’s such a good feeling. Man, this last month has been…not describable in one word. Not really describable in one post either, which is why I haven’t been sitting and writing lately. Shame, shame, for I really wish I would have documented more. But I remember. I remember sleeping, or trying to sleep sitting propped up…

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  • My Ulcerative Colitis Journey

    Hope in My Body

    Originally published April 17, 2014 For the May Cause Miracles that I am reading, day 18’s affirmation is I am thankful for my body. This was a challenge for me today. Today marks one year since I have been diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. April 17th, 2013. And I’m worse than I have ever been. I’ve lost 7 pounds in the past few days. The pain is incredible. Eating is ridiculous. The steroid enemas are not working. I’m going to the bathroom 10-20 times a day. I had to leave work today after almost having an accident. I spoke with my gastro doctor this morning. She said it’s time. We’ve tried…

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  • My Ulcerative Colitis Journey

    Hope in Miracles

    Originally Published April 2, 2014: “Even miracles take a little time.” The fairy godmother herself. I started my miracle journey a few days ago and already am noticing all these good things in my life. Ironically it has been one of my most painful weeks with the dear friend ulcie colitis cleaning out her house again and just creating chaos. But, as I begin to consciously choose love over fear and realize what moments are not created by love, life becomes more beautiful. Sometimes it just takes a fairy godmother to remind you to be a little patient, and even a pumpkin can be a beautiful carriage.

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  • My Ulcerative Colitis Journey

    Why I Choose Hope

    Originally Published March 26, 2014 Hope keeps me alive. Not that I felt was going to die in the first place, but it keeps me feeling alive. When I was first diagnosed with a disease that has no cure, and no reason, I felt nothing. You have an Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Said the doctor after my colonoscopy. There isn’t a cure. But we’re going to try to get it into remission with a treatment plan. Okay. I said. And my mom drove me home. I was okay when I called my dad and told him the diagnosis. I was okay after my mom left to go to class. I was…

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  • Hope Warriors

    Lauren Barros

    Originally Published October 08, 2014 It’s warrior Wednesday!  I’d like you all to meet one of the most beautiful, kind and determined IBD battlers I’ve “met” since my diagnosis. I found Lo on Instagram shortly after my first colonoscopy and she’s been a constant source of support and encouragement ever since. Not only does she kick ass at this disease,  she climbs boulders. Literally. Get to know Lo a little bit below and find her on insta @readysetlo7.  Thanks for being you girl, you give me hope daily. My name is Lauren Barros and I’m 26 years old currently living in Dallas Texas. I’m originally from Huntington Beach, California (California…

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  • Hope Warriors

    NY Smile Movement

    Originally Published October 1, 2014 Browsing through #randomactofkindness (RAK) on instagram one day and I came across @nysmilemovement. A whole year of RAK’s documented. How cool. And what an impact they’re having! From leaving lottery tickets in grocery stores for strangers to find, to volunteering to pet sit, to giving away arcade tickets; smiles and hope in humanity are being shared everywhere. Join in the movement! Get to know a little more about the movement, and then go spark some hope with your own SmileMovement! Let me know what you do in the comments! How did you come up with the idea for 365 days of Random Acts of Kindness? Earlier…

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